


Melody in the Madness

by ThrowYourChaosInNeutralAndDrive



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Comedy, and a fight over Alastor's mic stand, charlie daniels band reference if ya feel me, cussing cuz Hell, krampmas, some Angel/Husk if ya squint, some dark material, songfic via some karoke, y'all know the one im talkin' bout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThrowYourChaosInNeutralAndDrive/pseuds/ThrowYourChaosInNeutralAndDrive
Summary: Hazbin Hotel is gearing up for Krampmas!!What happens when Alastor's mic stand, Mikey, gets fought over as if it were the Spear of Friggin' Destiny?While he has his hands tied (figuratively) baking??
Relationships: Alastor/Charlie Magne, Charlie Magne/Vaggie, Cherri Bomb/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 50





	Melody in the Madness

Listening to music while cooking is necessary. A good tune can lift the spirits and so long as you don’t break, bungle, or burn anything – why! wouldn’t you know it, it can help make your recipes turn out for the better. Because a happy chef will fix a happy meal. 

And not the drive-through kind Vaggie always claimed to miss from her 2014. No, no. 

Alastor preferred to prepare his food fresh. And he was a dab hand at whipping up dishes from scratch. As long as he was happy and humming, he knew that he’d be able to create something delicious and worthy of his mother’s (hallowed be her name) praise. 

Today the Radio Demon was making fudge for Krampmas. His sweet ma had always made the greatest desserts around the holidays. 

Alastor sighed because the hotel’s kitchen was running low on dark chocolate. 

It was true she was in Heaven while her son resided in Hell. But it was also true that she’d ratted him out to the police and that he’d torched her house to the ground after she’d gone into a Witness Protection Program. 

He’d been so lucky to have a cook like her as a mother. ….And she’d been so lucky not to cook in her country shack. 

_“Oh, Al. Beggars can’t be choosers. Pass me the chives.”_

Memories were muddled for him down here. He’d picked up chives instead of the sugar he was after. 

“Al! Al! We have new guests!” Charlie yelled as she came bursting through the doors to the galley kitchen. 

Speaking of the sugar he was after….

“Really?” he asked. 

He hid his frown with a tight smile. More souls had been flocking to Hazbin as of late. While it provided him glorious entertainment, it likewise concerned him that so many were _wanting_ to seek redemption. 

They needed to understand that they were all damned here. This place was suffering. And there was no escape. For them or **from him.** Especially no escape for them from him. 

“You won’t believe who checked-in!!” Charlie squealed, bouncing on her tip-toes. 

Alastor smirked at her excitement. 

“Try me, darlin’.”

* * *

“Well, I don’t see the appeal! Their décor is tacky and outdated. And you said you saw a cat lying drunk in the fountain outside.” 

The snake demon tried and failed to keep his voice to a whisper as he perused the lobby. 

Someone seated near the fireplace called out to him. 

“Yo Pents! PENTZY! You hissin’ to your hat again? I knew that thing was sentient!” 

Sir Pentious recoiled. His hat glared at the demoness who’d risen the couch with her patented cocky grin plastered all over her freckled face. 

“Hmph! More than can be said of you, _**Cherri Bomb.”**_

Hips swung, and the grin got even wider and more tilted. Sir Pentious and his top hat rolled their eyes. 

“Heh. You and the hat gonna get a room t’gether?” Cherri asked as she sauntered towards him. 

They’d recently called a truce. After Vox had come back and conquered the territory they had squabbled over and nearly re-killed both of them……. Well, their back-and-forth had taken a permeant raincheck for the time being. 

Pentious hadn’t seen her in months. He’d hoped to never see her again. She was such a pretentious trollop. 

“What we do or don’t do is none of your business!” he snapped at her. 

He turned and crossed his arms. 

“OooOoOohh! Does it give nice head? Lemme try it on!”

Cherri Bomb snatched the hat off of his head from behind. 

“Give that back, this instant!” yelled the cobra. 

Cherri snickered and waved the captive hat tauntingly. 

“Come n’ get me!”

* * *

Angel, licking on a Popsie, found Husk face down in the roundabout’s fountain on his way back to the hotel. 

The gambler’s fur was matted and wet and a tail and two legs stuck half-in/half-out of the fountain. Bubbles weren’t coming up so he was either drowned or wasted. Probably both. 

“You know we have a pool in the back,” said Angel. 

A pool with lava in it that only Charlie could stand to get in but hey – it was a pool. 

“Husky-wusky?”

Angel nudged the cat demon. A groan answered him. 

He sucked off the rest of his Popsie and sighed. Why did _he_ have to be the charitable one? Charlie had better give him a gold star in her little Grace Points Book for rehabilitation. 

He bent and collected the feline from his ‘water bowl’. 

“All right, gettup. You’ve had enough to drink.” 

With Angel’s extra limbs, it wasn’t difficult to secure the mangy concierge to his side and loop an arm over his neck to brace him. Husk’s breath wreaked of stale tequila. 

He must’ve gotten into Vaggie’s stash. The one she told Charlie she didn’t have but did. 

“You puke on me and I’ll give Al a fifty to skin you so we can finally replace the old bear rug next to the fireplace.” 

Angel would’ve loved to offer Alastor a blowjob instead of his hard-earned coins but the Radio Demon wasn’t gonna go for that. 

Beggars can’t be choosers. _And non-lechers could be such losers._

* * *

Sir Pentious pinned Cherri Bomb between himself and the concierge desk. His eyes with the slitted pupils narrowed. 

“The game is up!” he crowed. Then he leaned in, baring his fangs menacingly. “Prepare to perish, you silly whore.” 

Cherri – wearing Pentious’s top hat, bit her lip and winked at him. Or at least that’s what he thought the cyclops was doing. 

_“Oooh…_ **Cum n’ get me.”**

Her top and bottom lashes fluttered at him. Sir Pentious blushed. 

“No sex in the lobby. Charlie made it one of her ‘rules’” said Angel as he entered the lobby. 

Peeved that he was carrying Husk’s near-dead weight (which weighed more thanks to his wet fur), Angel trudged, with his burden in tow, up to the desk. 

He reached around the entangled pair and began to pound on the call bell. 

_Bing!_

_Bing!_

_Bingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbingbi-!!_

Vaggie soon appeared, sprinting down the staircase. She clutched the bannister, winded from having ran several flights. 

“Where the Hell is Husk? Somebody respond to the bell!” she shouted. 

She spotted Angel. 

“Hey Vags. Wanna help me get this lush to his room?”

Vaggie huffed. 

“No. I’m looking for Charlie.” 

“Oh,” said Angel. “She’s probably having another impromptu dance sequence with Reindeer Maims.” 

Vaggie’s gaze strayed to the entrance to the kitchen. Her expression was a conflict of sourness and worry. 

“How do you even know about that movie?” she asked the gangster-era dandy. “It was after your time.” 

Angel shrugged. 

“Bitches at IMP hooked Hell up recently with a streaming service. If you say the correct Latin chant you can leech off the neighbor’s signal. S’what I’ve been doin’.”

Sir Pentious snatched his hat back from Cherri Bomb. The two of them separated. Cherri stuck her tongue out at him like a child. 

“The laundry mat everyone uses to clean their gore-covered murder clothes at?” Vaggie asked, thinking of Hazbin’s one and only neighbor. 

“Yeah,” said Angel. “Free mortal content for all. Most hellions are using their signals to view the noble art of porn o’ course.” 

He readjusted his hold on Husk. 

Suddenly, music could be heard from beyond the kitchen doors. 

“Cept, Alastor. He’s so fucking _ollld,”_ Angel complained. 

_🎶 “Well now, friends, let me tell you about this cat that I once met,_  
_Smooth talker with an export cigarette,I don't believe I ever saw him without a cocktail in his hand,_  
_And no-one swings as hard to the big bad voodoo band!_  
_Now he strolls through the city like a big ol' alley cat,_  
_With his pinstripe suit and a big bad voodoo hat,”🎶_

“That actually sounds quite nice,” Sir Pentious commented. 

He snapped his digits along to the beat. 

“You sing, Pensky?” Cherri asked. 

“No. But I am partial to music.”

“Hmm. What else you partial to?” she teased him and leered at him. 

Since she and he were kaput on the whole turf-war thing, she decided it couldn’t hurt to mess with him a little on Neutral Ground. She was so effing bored anyways. 

Sir Pentious’s tail twitched and his blush returned. 

_“Dios mio._ None of that!” Vaggie commanded. 

Seemingly out of thin air, she produced her harpoon. She got in-between the two like a Prom chaperone and alternatingly pointed the weapon at each of them. 

“You, you’re here because you’re sick of warring for territory, right?”

The harpoon tip tickled Pentious’s throat. He swallowed and his bobbing throat got nicked. 

“War takes a lot out of you,” he admitted. 

“Speak for yourself. It’s fun,” said Cherri. 

The harpoon was twirled and poked her nose, drawing blood. The explosives expert lapped it up as it trickled down her sneering face. 

“And you. You’re here because you want to see what your bestie sees in this establishment, correct?”

Cherri, put her hands up like she was being held up by a purge officer. The Princess’s girlfriend had the _charming_ demeanor of one. Stiff-necked witch. 

“Hellhole,” she corrected Vaggie. “And yeah. If there’s a reason to stay I’ll find it. But right now it’s lookin’ pretty shitty.” 

Her single eyeball scanned the pathetic ramshackle lobby filled with cardboard boxes labeled ‘Decorations’. 

“Like you,” Pentious quipped. 

Cherri, not to be out-sassed, cooed. 

“You think I’m pretty, Pen?”

She slung her arms around his neck and rocked forward on the balls of her feet. Playful and seductive. 

“Unhand me!” 

Their scuffle led them to bumping into a table with an antique vase on it. Ancient, cursed, and Egyptian – one of a kind! 

“Cut that out! **Mierda.”**

Vaggie saved the vase after dropping her harpoon and diving for it. “Angel!” she called for assistance. 

Oh – so now _she_ wanted _his_ help? That was rich. Angel smiled with Husk’s as-of-yet undetermined alive-or-deceased carcass in his grasp. 

“Sorry, babe. My arms are full.”

* * *

Niffty moved the casserole to the oven. She’d been tasked with watching it for the Radio Demon whilst he fixed the fudge. 

“Is that okay, Master Al?” she asked. 

“Sublime.”

Al and the Mistress of the Hotel, Charlie, were teaming up to finish the desserts. The latter kept pausing to sniff the sugary air wafting from warm Ginger Gremlins and Brioche ~~Bread~~ Dead Pudding with Caramel Sauce. 

Alastor scooted past her after placing a claw on her lower back and moving her with a polite, “Pardon me, missy.” 

Then the Radio Demon rested his hands on his knees and pinched Niffty’s dough covered cheek. 

“Thank you for being my little helper today, Niffty.” 

Niffty swelled with happiness and pride. 

“You're welcome!” she burst out. 

Alastor’s attention soon flipped like a changing radio station back to Charlie. 

“That’s the icing I made for the cake you requested,” he told her. 

He dipped a finger into the bowl he’d used to create the icing and shaved some of the remaining frosting onto his fingertip. He raised said fingertip in the direction of Charlie’s lips. 

“Would you like to lick the bowl?” he crooned. 

“Ummm... I, err…” Charlie stammered. 

She went beet red. You couldn’t even see her signature blush-marks anymore.

A crash. A group of rough-housing miscreants stumbled from the lobby and into Alastor’s domain. 

“Charlie!” Vaggie screamed. A plea for help!

Charlie immediately went into Save The Day mode. 

“Whoa! Whoa! OI!!” 

It was her (amazing!) British accent and her **demon fire** which got the brawlers to quit causing a ruckus. 

Sir Pentious’ cravat was untucked from his jacket and Cherri Bomb was sporting his hat again, much to his displeasure. The inventor had his tail wrapped around her torso and was crushing her bones via constriction. 

Not a step forward – definitely a step back on his first day signing up for Redemption Classes. 

They both froze, scared. Cherri put out the fuses of the lit bombs in her hands. Sir Pentious’ hood wilted and he released the femme fatale. 

“No fighting is permitted on the premises. Under pain of erasure. **Got it?”**

“Yes, milady,” Sir Pentious mumbled. 

“Sure,” Cherri nodded vigorously. 

“Damn straight,” said Husk. 

_Sweet baby Jesus, he’s alive!_

“Damn gay,” Angel concurred. 

He shook the cat demon, whose chin had fallen back onto his own collarbone. 

“You awake, Husko?” he pried. 

“Course. M’just bummin’ a ride off ya,” Husk muttered. 

Angel laughed. His laugh was too loud. It made Husk whimper and grumble. 

“Aww. All you had to do was ask, y’know?”

Husk didn’t like how Angel was hugging him closer and smooshing his wings. He pushed himself off of the deviant. Almost fell. Angel caught him. 

“Asshole,” he slurred. 

“It’s yours if you want it,” said Angel, planting a peck on the cat demon’s forehead. The kitty’s claws came out and his fur stood on end. 

“Please refrain from talking about body parts in my kitchen,” Alastor instructed them. 

His voice was level but his tone was cold. 

The Radio Demon set about gathering the last of his ingredients. Quite more of a chore than it should have been – given the crowd in his kitchen. 

Cherri Bomb noticed with her 20/20 eye something hanging out of the freezer in the corner. It looked like the arm of a demon lord she knew – Bubba Beezle – the used car salesman demon. 

“Ehh – what do ya make in here if you don’t mind me askin’, Mr. Radio Demon sir?” she hedged. 

Alastor’s static aura fizzled. He beamed at her. 

“Delicacies.” 

Charlie gestured to the islands laden with dishes for their upcoming celebration. 

“Al is making fudge right now. You probably saw from the boxes outside – we’re about to celebrate Krampmas!” 

With any luck this news would put everyone in better mood. And more festive spirits! 

“Didn’t your dad outlaw that?” Cherri inquired. 

Charlie winced. Okay – yeah – so there was that time Krampus had given her pops a lump of coal. The size of Everest. 

It had been dumped in their royal backyard and destroyed the BBQ area – where Satan liked to cook his enemies over a spit. 

And boy had her old man been _PISSED._

“Krampus may’ve gone a bit overboard one Krampmas. But it’s all Styx water under the bridge,” said Charlie with a weak grin. 

She knew Krampus had just been freed from his punishment – 12 decades of running an Olympic sized track made up entirely of searing hot coals. 

And his hooves – though melted completely off so that he now only had stubs – had been replaced with a pair of prosthetics Charlie had commissioned herself. 

Because she wanted Hell to have a holiday again. And while he dad on was Earth….there was no one around to tell her no. 

Plus – she’d promised Krampus amnesty and a free smorgasbord of naughty children (the evil kind who kill critters and leave Legos out for adults to step on) to dine on. 

Vaggie touched Charlie’s elbow. Her girlfriend motioned for the Princess to look at the Radio Demon (growing more frustrated) and to the lost souls now prodding and perusing his work space. 

Angel ate a Ginger Gremlin. 

Alastor growled under his breath. 

“Let’s go. Alastor gets….moody if he can’t concentrate while he’s in here,” Vaggie suggested. 

Charlie nodded. 

She was on the verge of ~~ordering~~ encouraging everyone to vacate the kitchen when Cherri Bomb picked up the Radio Demon’s mic stand. 

“Is that a magic microphone?” she asked. 

Alastor had his hands occupied making fudge. For those not in the know, there is a step in making fudge – the Stir For Five Small Eternities Or Burn Your Fudge step – wherein you must continuously stir sugar, cocoa, and milk in a saucepan or else it shall develop clumps or worse – fry! 

The step requires both hands and a lot of focus. And prayers. 

Still – the Radio Demon was not pleased with the fact that his familiar (of sorts) was being trifled with. 

“What? **What?** Put down Mikey!” 

The song which had been playing before, was cranked on again. 

_🎶“Hey, Mr. Pinstripe Suit,_  
_Hey, Mr. Hi-dee-hi-dee-ho,_  
_Well, I know you got the answers,_  
_We all wanna know!” 🎶_

Charlie saw Alastor’s shadow (his other familiar – of sorts) begin to loom over Cherri Bomb. She intervened. 

“I got it, Al. It’s cool. Be cool!” 

But Mikey’s knobs were turned. And Cherri’s favorite song was now blasting through the kitchen.

 _💣 “I love drama and romance,_  
_I like talking my shit,_  
_Can't stop cuttin' people off,_  
_Get my scissors, lil' bitch,_  
_I just keep laughin' at your pain, no Novacane,_  
_Need a padded room and chains, I'm out my brain,_  
_Might need a straightjacket,_  
_'Cause all my thoughts are doin' backflips, 💣_

Husk grumbled some more. His hangover was not liking all the volumes this – could you call that music? – was playing at. 

If they were gonna go the rap route, at least they could pick something with some grit. Like DMX. 

He might not have been around for _‘Where the Hood At?’_ but he related to that ditty on a spiritual level. A dog song but his catty soul adored it. 

Sir Pentious’s tail wrested the mic from Cherri. Instead of passing it to Charlie, he asked Mikey to play the song Alastor had been playing earlier. 

_🎶“Mr. Wingtip Shoes,_  
_Hey, Mr. Always On The Go,_  
_Well, I know you got the answers,_  
_We all wanna know” 🎶_

Cherri tackled the inventor and got her song going again. She began to dance to the female rapper’s sick flo. Angel joined her. 

_💣"Look, I'm pretty, I'm petty, I pop like confetti,_  
_'Cause shit can get deadly, so don't make me jelly,_  
_I been on my worse, I let bridges burn,_  
_You hoes never learn - you scared - go to church,_  
_Don't open your mouth, I'm a jawbreaker,_  
_Been in car chases, I'm a lawbreaker,_  
_I'm insane, might regret it later,_  
_But don't you love my bad behavior?”💣_

It turned out Angel had only danced so close to her so HE could swipe Mikey. All’s fair in love and music as they say! Cherri hollered. But she couldn’t get Mikey from him. 

One of his hands held her skull in check, two her grabby arms, and one waved the mic stand in the air behind his back where she couldn’t reach it. 

With a free limb, he changed the channel. 

_💉 “Alright, alright, it's a hell of a feeling though,_  
_It's a hell of a feeling though,_  
_Who are these people? I just woke up in my underwear,_  
_No liquor left on the shelf,I should probably introduce myself,_  
_You shoulda' seen what I wore,I had a cane and a party hat,_  
_I was the king of this hologram,_  
_Where there's no such thing as getting out of hand,_  
_Memories tend to just pop up,_  
_Drunk pre-meds and some rubber gloves,_  
_Five-thousand people with designer drugs,_  
_Don't think I'll ever get enough (don't think I'll ever get enough)”💉_  


Vaggie’s harpoon sliced a shallow cut in Angel’s arm. He yelped and cussed her out. She caught the mic stand. 

She thought about forking it over to Charlie but she had another thought. What if she and her gf had an ‘impromptu dance sequence’? 

Alastor wasn’t the only bastion of wickedness in this slowly-becoming-something dump who could do romance. 

She acted as if she were going to give Charlie the stand. As the Princess’s open palm extended for it, Vaggie laced their fingers together and tugged Charlie into a tango. 

_😈"All the good girls go to hell,_  
_'Cause even God herself has enemies,_  
_And once the water starts to rise,_  
_And heaven's out of sight,_  
_She'll want the devil on her team,_

__

_My Lucifer is lonely…..”😈_

__

Charlie, caught off guard, was fumble-footed at the start of their dance. But she saw her girlfriend’s lowered eyelids and sultry smile and smiled back at her. 

__

“Vag-gie!” she said with giggle. 

__

Vaggie pulled her closer. She stole a kiss. 

__

Neither of them noticed, Alastor fuming over his fudge. And the volume just kept climbing. 

__

No one heard his teeth grinding. 

__

Meanwhile, as Charlie and Vaggie made out – Cherri re-captured Mikey as if he were a flag in Capture the Flag. 

__

_💣 “I'm an angel and a demon,_  
_Happy when I act the meanest,_  
_I think like all my nights are sleepless,_  
_This feels like paradise, I’m dreamin,_  
_'He said, "Lola girl, you're evil"_  
_Well, maybe you the reason,_  
_Found my lover, it's killing season,_  
_Might choke you 'til you barely breathin', look,_  
_I'm Loca, la Vida Loca, no controlla'_  
_I'm colder than Nova Scotia, Minnesota,_  
_Ain't sober, don't get me started,_  
_Got a motor, my motive is bipolar - thought I told ya,_  
_Cut-throat, yeah, I'm hard to handle,_  
_Got a short fuse, don't light my candle,_  
_Might tell a lie just to start a scandal,_  
_I'm a loose cannon with a lot of ammo!”💣_

__

Sir Pentious and Angel both vied to get the mic next. Angel was successful. 

__

_💉 “Champagne, cocaine, gasoline,_  
_And most things in between,_  
_I roam the city in a shopping cart,_  
_A pack of camels and a smoke alarm”💉_

__

Ticked that their dance had been interrupted, Vaggie threw her harpoon. It nailed Mikey to the wall. And sliced up Angel a little again. 

__

He called her something in Spanish she had no idea he knew how to say. 

__

_😈 “Look at you needing me,_  
_You know I'm not your friend without some greenery,_  
_Walk in wearing fetters,_  
_Peter should know better,_  
_Your cover up is caving in,_  
_Man is such a fool,_  
_Why are we saving him?_  
_Poisoning themselves now,_  
_Begging for our help, wow!”😈_

__

Angel used four of his arms to wrench the harpoon off the wall and collect Mikey. 

__

_💉 “I'm a scholar and a gentleman,_  
_And I usually don't fall when I try to stand,_  
_I lost a bet to a guy in a Chiffon skirt,_  
_But I make these high heels work”💉_

__

In the midst of the free-for-all, no one expected Husk – who’d been slumped on a pantry stool – to fly/careen into Angel using his wings. The drunk sat on the dandy who he lectured about not having any taste. 

__

Angel countered with, “Didn’t know alcoholics could taste anything besides booze. Give that back!” 

__

But Husk flew away from him and played something he liked. 

__

Even if he left the kitchen for the lobby he’d still be able to hear this cacophony. And if he had to be subjected to a ‘party’ then he was going to DJ. 

__

Not these knuckleheads. 

__

_🎲 “Let me take you back,_  
_So back in time,_  
_We made the front page news,_  
_Livin' lives of crime,_  
_'Cause we ran moonshine,_  
_Outlaws to be exact,_  
_We did somethin' new,_  
_And we never turned back,_  
_Six shots, point blank,_  
_Aimin' at your face,_  
_Imma quick draw,_  
_Then I'm gone without a trace,_  
_And I'll rob a bank,_  
_Or I’ll cheat and steal,_  
_Derail a fuckin' train,_  
_'Cause you know that I will,_  
_You need to pay your dues,_  
_Or get cement shoes,_  
_And we're still on the run,_  
_The most ruthless crew!”🎲_

__

Somehow, Husk had forgotten about Pentious. He was swatted out of his low flight path by that _fucking stupid ass tail goddammit!_ and Cherri Bomb laughed and pointed at him. 

__

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” she asked rhetorically. 

__

She’d had so many scrapes with Pentious, she knew first hand you could get a concussion from that thing if you weren’t careful to avoid it. 

__

_🎶“Hey, Mr. Pinstripe Suit! 🎶_

__

Everyone had forgotten about Niffty. And everyone blinked when they heard what she selected as a tune to do-wop to. 

__

_🧛 “보름달 아래 날 마주치면 딱_  
_알아봐놀래 킬 생각은 전혀 없어, 없어 baby,_  
_오늘 밤 다가가 살짝 말을 걸어볼까다치게_  
_하는 일 절대 난 없어, 없어 baby,_  
_엄만 날 bad Dracula (yes I am)_  
_라며 더 무섭게 해라 (yeah, I know, I know)_  
_근데 난 조금 달라 (ha!)_  
_난 달라 랄랄라, bad Dracula!”🧛_

__

Korean pop music. Excessively cute Korean pop music. 

__

Who knew the lil’ lady in the poodle skirt kept up with fads and what was trendy. I mean - she couldn’t even tell that Angel was a guy! 

__

Cherri Bomb used her superior stature and a boot to acquire the mic stand. 

__

Alastor’s shadow picked Niffty up and dusted her off. It glowered at Cherri Bomb, who – inspired by Vaggie - had wrangled Sir Pentious into the facsimile of a foxtrot. 

__

_💣 “You love how I hold grudges,_  
_Might throw some punches,_  
_But you're not judgin’ I'm your psycho,_  
_You love how I talk crazy, then call you baby,_  
_No you can't tame me, I'm your type, though”💣_

__

Eventually, Sir Pentious tired of being led. He was the man! It was his job to lead!

__

He slithered forward and dipped Cherri Bomb after spinning her. She winked at him. This time he was sure of it. 

__

“Not bad, Mr. Prone to Hissy Fits,” she purred. 

__

He snarled and whipped her out of the dip. 

__

“Says She Who Brings Dirty Bombs to a Fist Fight!”

__

“Guilty,” said Cherri with relish. 

__

Charlie stole Mikey when Pentious was searching for something else smart to say and Cherri was cackling. 

__

Since Al was already clearly angry – and the damage was done – what harm could it do? 

__

_😇 “Hallelujah!_  
_I'm still here, still bringing it to ya,_  
_Ohm like - Buddha,_  
_Good girls know how to get hard too, ya (uh huh)_  
_I'm all fucked up in my Sunday best,_  
_No walk-of-shame 'cause I love this dress,_  
_Hungover, heart of gold, holy mess,_  
_Doin' my best – Bitch, I'm blessed,_  
_Oh, if you couldn't tell,_  
_We can always find the trouble, we don't need no help,_  
_Singing oh, Mama raised me well,_  
_But I don't wanna go to Heaven without raising hell!”😇_

__

Husk was not down for the count. He had the gall (or at least a drunken enough stupor) to trip the Princess of Hell and ruin her groove! 

__

Fortunately for him Charlie wasn’t as big a prima donna as Channel 666 anchors seemed to boast she was. 

__

However her horns did make an appearance. 

__

_🎲 “I'm a heart break kid,_  
_I'm a stick-up kid,_  
_Bang. Bang. Tommy gun!_  
_Yous a punk-ass bitch!_  
_Knocked out, one punch,_  
_Like a superhero,_  
_Pay up! Crapped out,_  
_Now you're back to zero,_  
_Boom bing pow!_  
_King Kong no doubt,_  
_Like a Prohibition,_  
_Imma have to dry you out,_  
_You’ll be picking up your teeth,_  
_Straight offa the ground,_  
_Imma switchblade shanker,_  
_You know how word gets around,_  
_All bets are in,I see you roll the dice,_  
_Looks like another seven,_  
_It's the end of your life”🎲_

__

Demon Charlie put Husk in a headlock and ‘rescued’ Mikey. 

__

_😇 “Can I get an amen?_  
_This is for the misfits of creation,_  
_Take this as your holy validation,_  
_You don't need to hide your celebratin'_  
_This is our salvation!”😇_

__

Niffty bit Charlie’s ankles. (She was the right height to.) And an Aegyo Atmosphere reigned once more. 

__

_🧛 “달에 비친 뒷얘기는 모른 체,_  
_그의 품 속에 I just wanna dance,_  
_(I just wanna dance)(I just wanna dance)”🧛_

__

By this point in time, Alastor had concluded his two stirring steps. (Yes, in fudge-making there are TWO crucial stirring steps. The aforementioned one and the Add Butter + Vanilla Extract And BEAT INTO SUBMISSION for SEVEN SMALL ETERNITIES step, wherein you had to **break** both of your arms trying to stir the gloss out of the mixture so you could have non-greasy fudge.) 

__

He wiped his claws off on his apron and whistled. His mic stand was retrieved by Shadow. The creature bowed on bended knee and proffered Mikey to his rightful owner, the Radio Demon. 

__

“Did y’all enjoy your horseplay?” he asked, Southern accent coming out in an ostensibly harsher drawl than it normally did. 

__

Niffty ‘eeped!’. Cherri and Pentious quaked. Vaggie and Angel (both in sprawl under Husk) took shelter under his card suit stamped wings. 

__

Charlie looked abashedly at her feet. She shouldn’t have given into her immaturity like that. She just _loved_ music that was all. 

__

She played with the tuft at the end of her low pony and finally summoned enough bravery to look Alastor in the eye. 

__

“It won’t happen again. My apologies, Al.” 

__

She held her hand out for him to shake – to make peace. 

__

He looked at her offered treaty. His scarlet-to-orange irises glowed.

__

She really was a lovely virtuous slip of demon. And so foolish. Like those idiots her father had duped in Eden. 

__

He accepted and shook her hand. 

__

Nothing happened besides Alastor squeezing a bit too much with his claws. Enough to papercut her palm when their hands parted. 

__

She grimaced but didn’t kick up a fuss. 

__

“Well, my dear. Since you're sincere,” said Alastor. 

__

He gave her Mikey. 

__

“Why don’t you regale us with an uninterrupted song while I start on the Peppermint Yips?”

__

“Doncha mean Bark?” Angel asked Alastor. 

__

A shadow of hate fell over Al’s countenance. He loathed even the reference to ‘barking’ since it reminded him of canines. Never mind the fact that the dessert’s name was attributed to the bark of trees and not dogs - 

__

It was Peppermint Yips to him. Had been even when he was living. 

__

Charlie squashed her horns back into her head. With exertion. 

__

And then she began to karaoke a Todrick Hall track she’d heard a week ago thanks to the IMPs new streaming service. 

__

A mashup medley of songs crafted by an enchanting company called…..Disney. 

__

_✨🏰“No chance no way I won't say it no, no_  
_You swoon, you sigh - why deny it oh, oh?_  
_It's too cliché - I won't say I'm in,_  
_I won't say I'm in,_  
_I won't say I'm in,_  
_Can you feel the love tonight?”🏰✨_

__

Charlie swayed elegantly to the rhythm. Her gaze connected with Alasator as she sang and blessed the hotel’s rickety skeleton with her notes. 

__

She danced with Vaggie. Then Husk and Angel. 

__

Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb partnered up before she could get to either of them. 

__

Alastor sat down his whisk when she came his way. Easily the most graceful dancer among them, he swept her along the kitchen tiles as if she were as light as a feather. 

__

_✨🏰“I know you,_  
_I danced with you once upon a dream,_  
_I know you,_  
_The gleam in your eye is so familiar a gleam,_  
_And I know it's true,_  
_That visions are seldom all they seem,_  
_But if I know you,_  
_I'll know what you do,_  
_You'll love me at once,_  
_The way you did once upon a dream”🏰✨_

__

Charlie’s heart began to thump in her chest like a drum. She felt dizzy and her Mezzo-Soprano became wispier and more yearning in its delivery. Until she exited her waltz with the Radio Demon to do choreographed dancing that the others followed. 

__

Concert-style dancing fit the jubilant parts of song and she was overjoyed that the grumpy sinners had deigned to join her. 

__

Perhaps they just feared she’d go Princess Magne on them again. 

__

Either/or…….her arms missed being in Alastor’s as if they couldn’t help themselves. 

__

She sang through her confusion. 

__

She wished her dad were here to talk her through her feelings. Her father was a fantastic listener/talker. 

__

Alastor didn’t consult his cookbook while the others frolicked. He licked droplets of blood off of his claws and drank in Charlie’s voice and movements – mesmerized.

__

* * *

__

White coattails swished through the Hazbin Hotel garden. 

__

An apple-crowned cane was hefted at hip level and then hoisted to lift the brim of a white top hat. 

__

Was that..…music emanating from within his building? 

__

Bought and paid for by him? Gifted to his beautiful daughter by him? 

__

He thought he’d specifically had it written into Law that no music was to occur in Hell unless it was with his express permission. He’d been Heaven’s Choir Director many eons ago – 

__

_“….the workmanship of your timbrels and flutes was in you. On the day that you were created they were prepared. You were anointed as a guardian cherub, for I had ordained you. You were on the holy mountain of God; you walked among the fiery stones.…”_

__

Ezekiel something: something. 

__

How could he be pressed to recall the verse that spoke of his once revered position – job really – as the being to lead the other angels – and creation in general - in worship of the Lord? 

__

Corrupted purpose and irony aside – he wasn’t sore when it came to the subject of music. 

__

Merely passionate. 

__

…..  
………

__

Were those Krampmas decorations on the front lawn? 

__

Hadn’t he passionately demonstrated his will against Krampus with a punishment – after flaying him with his own whips and then stitching his hide back to his bleeding and shaking cadaver? 

__

The holiday had been effectively cancelled until further notice. 

__

_✨🏰“If we listen to each other's hearts,_  
_We'll find we're never too far apart,_  
_And maybe love is the reason why,_  
_For the first time ever we’re seeing it eye to eye,_  
_A whole new world!”🏰✨_

__

Laughter and conversation he could detect the closer he strolled. 

__

Sounded like a bash was transpiring inside. 

__

**_“Lilith didn’t tell me there would be company.”_**

__

He pouted. 

__

The flowers he passed withered with multiple shrieks and moldered into dust. 

__

His daughter knew that he didn’t like it when soirees went on below without him. You go topside to engage one Georgian in a fiddle competition – and this happens!! 

__

Lucifer heard the Radio Demon’s recorded laugh-track echo forth from the hotel. 

__

His frown quirked heavenwards. 

__

_Now to replace that bear rug that needs to be thrown out …._

__

Deerskin would do in a pinch.

__

**Author's Note:**

> Rap of a cane at the front. Niffty answers. 
> 
> Niffty: Um Charlie – the Devil’s at the door! 
> 
> Charlie: Daddy!! 
> 
> Alastor, wearing more flour than is advisable, peeks around the corner and spots Satan 
> 
> Deer caught in headlights moment - 
> 
> “Lucy!! Welcome ho-!” 
> 
> *Toasted ~~chestnut~~ deer noises*
> 
> Merry Late Krampmas!! 
> 
> Hope your holidays were kicka$$. Lol – the movie Angel is talking about is Reindeer Games. The fiddle comp the Devil went to can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6RUg-NkjY4)
> 
> Had to pen this songfic cuz like I – Vivzie is a hUGe Kesha fan. 
> 
> I remember the first thing I saw of Viv’s (on Youtube at least) was her Kesha animated vid featuring the foxy chick. 
> 
> And now Kesha done come out with a new album with a song that’s perfect for HH!! 
> 
> So I hadta. 
> 
> Songs used listed here: 
> 
> 🎶 Mr. Pinstripe Suit by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy 🎶
> 
> 💣 Lola by Iggy Azalea 💣 
> 
> 💉 Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time by Panic! At the Disco 💉
> 
> 😈 all the good girls go to hell by Billie Eilish 😈
> 
> 🎲 Lump Your Head by Hollywood Undead 🎲
> 
> 🧛 Bad Dracula by Red Velvet 🧛 
> 
> 😇 Raising Hell by Kesha 😇 
> 
> ✨🏰Disney Dudez 3 by Todrick Hall 🏰✨
> 
> I won’t subject you to anymore lyrics but I do highly suggest a listen to some of these if yer a music junkie like m’self. 
> 
> Thanks for the read – songfics aren’t usually my schtick – at least not ones as involved as this. So I hope it was fun. Lol. Given the story of Hazbin Hotel it felt fitting.
> 
> My personal song in regards to all of Viv’s awesome characters has to be 🦇Dracula by Bea Miller🦇.
> 
> It’s not as kawaii n’ fuzzy as Red Velvet’s song – but hey – neither am I.


End file.
